Lately I been having some hard time sleeping early, lots of dreams and most of them don’t make sense. Could it be work, family, or love life? Still… what could be affecting my sleep for so long?
Therefore I been reflecting on things I done lately, could it be my minds telling me something? Could I have regrets or doubts on things I done? What is the right or wrong decision/action to take? How do we know for sure?
I think it’s just a matter of perception for person of the receiving end. Our lives are shape by decision we take or made by others. From each decision form an action, and from an action will always produce a reaction, it’s the law of physics as we know.
Unaware by most, every living soul on earth are connected somehow, united by a chain that binds our fate together, Why does I say so, well it’s just my observation from some time. What we decide on our everyday life not only affects our life but lives around us. With news about a teenager committing suicide because of failed unrequited love, this just stumble me. I feel no pity towards him, as his action are stupid, selfish and meaningless, for his act of cowardly has destroy the life of many, his family have to live in shame and quilt for the rest of their life.
While the girl of his weak minded self taught he was in love in, has her life pull into the limelight of naïve society with countless people judging her and giving her injustice comments. So this has again concurred my observation, what we do, does not only effects us but in some way, big or small, direct or indirect cause a chain reaction to the rest of the world.
Because of his stupid, act might spawn someone else around the globe to commit the same act, just because one are unable to cope with reality and decide to take the easy and selfish way out. This is just wrong, weak and sad. No matter the reason there are others has it worse than them, the world does not revolves around them, they are just too self center and egoistic to see this.
Huuurrrfuuuh…. Getting back to my problem, why I’m having bad sleeps I wonder, I keep thinking of how I should, would, could, will, might act on things that has past or to come. Is it out of boredom, why am I feeling lost? I able to solve countless problems of others why I still unable to make peace with mind?
I been long adapting the life style of aikido, way of harmony, I try to live life by the center core, balance in everything, training my mental and spirit towards the better of my current self. I know have a lot of progress compare to the few years ago, people around me sees it too, but still, my life I feel uncontended, empty,incomplete…… there could be only one torn around my heart that I never really gotten used to yet….
Haiz, yet this is just another emo out burst I have, in couple of days I would have forgotten it, maybe I’m still too emotional, never really gotten used to letting go, or maybe I’m just plain getting old hahaaa, time is catching up with me, Hahaa …. Maybe … just maybe ….. my birthday is also around the corner~ and its kicking my brain to Over drive lolz ….
Yawn……well..… I thinks I feel slightly better…. Talking to myself seems does lighten my load….abit … Hope I can sleep better tonight with no weird dreams…. Don’t mind hamsap dream though hahahaa…
